Un biet scriitor ( in Romanian)

Se invartea in cerc. Nu doar el insusi, ci gandurile sale.  Totul se prabusea asupra lui, un biet om , care era trup si suflet dedicat scrisului. Nu vorbea, nu se plangea ci inventa povesti despre lumi groaznice nascocite din cel mai sumbru colt al mintii . Avea o repulsie fata de oamenii ce preferau sa traiasca in  minciuna altora, in realitatea acoperita cu o patura groasa de nestiinta si suprimarea inteligentei si naturii omului. Dar acest sarman om, se mintea pe el insusi. Pana la urma cand vine vorba de viata nu exista adevar , doar o propie iluzie in care alegi sa traiesti. Partea rationala a scriitorului sesiza diferenta aceasta privind lumea din jurul sau. Dar ce e un scriitor ? un om care alege sa se exprime, sa isi puna trairile si sentimentele ascunse printre randuri si prin cuvinte ce poate nu toti le inteleg . Un om care isi descrie visele si ganduri dandu-le contur prin literele negre sau albastre pe foia alba de hartie.  Nu putea alege logica.

Revenind la saracul om. Se fastacea si se amagea singur. Nu putea sa scrie. Nu mai avea ce sa scrie. Se simtea ca un leu in cusca , neindreptatit, sclav, oprimat ,furios si speriat. Inlauintuit de propriile temeri ce ar fi trebuit posibil acum sa fie citite de altcineva .Scriitorul simtea ca se sufoca de nebunia neputintei. Simtea ca a petrecut atat timp izolat de prezent incat si-a dedicat timpul amintirilor si credintelor sale infipte in mintea sa precum o stanca. Ar fi vrut sa iasa afara, sa se intalneasca cu lumea insa cine il mai stia? Poate jumatate de regiune il credea mort, poate prietenii lui credeau ca s-a mutat intr-o alta tara fara zgomote si harmalaie. Poate toti oamenii pe care ii cunostea disparuse ei insusi in tarana. Si de ce ar iesi sub lumina soarelui? Ce rost ar avea sa vada aceasta lume mizera in care el insusi refuzase sa traiasca eliminandu-i oricare sansa de a se imbunatati. Oamenii se schimba. Dar tipul ramane la fel. Cel putin asa gandea el.

Strofocat de propia argumentare a indecizilor se duse pana la majordom. Il luase de mana si l-a intrebat cu un ton disperat ce ar trebui sa faca. Majordomul , cunoscunda-l de 30 de ani , a inteles situatia simplu. L-a condus nu in piata aglomerata, nu pana in carciuma ci in propia gradina.

Bietul  scriitor, coplesit de atata emotii, de atata frumusete si atata culoare s-a simtit usurat de pietroiul  ce ii astupa inima. In final, era doar un biet scriitor ce a resuit sa rupa cercul in care se inavartea de atata timp.

special dedication

..ong time, no write. This week I traveled to Barcelona, Spain, for the first time with the plane. Honestly, I will write about it later because now I just feel like pouring my happiness over here. At the airport, my boyfriend along with my family surprised me with gifts and roses. I mean, my boyfriend just showed up with super mega cute gifts like an angelic heart shaped necklace that is totally beautiful in blue aquatic tones . Also a box of chocolates and a special chocolate dedicated for me and with a new bottle of tea to try. And of course with a rose and a gorgeous letter . Af besides that he bought my mom a gift for her birthday! I am…overwhelmed …really. I feel so loved and amazing but in the same time he came a long way with a headache and had such an awful week….it brakes my heart knowing That his is doing so many sacrifices and compromising a lot…god damn it, I love him!!! And I will give my life for me! I will do everything to see his smile! Because love isn’t about gift , money or just a simple relationship. For fuck sakes, love can’t be write in words. But if you fall in love with the right person, at the right time…it changes your life. Forever in better. And I swear on my soul, that this man, which I tell him “I love you” everyday, this man who won my heart ,my trust, my hopes and dreams, my beloved tiger will not be alone. Because I will keep him safe for the cruelest punishment, the loneliness. I will do everything for him. Exactly how he does for me. I love you lisky. I will w forever and after be yours. Thank you for being here in my life. 💕❤

Nature tastes like fresh emotions

I just have come from an amazing trip! I was off 2 days in the Carpathians and spend the night walking in Sibiu and enjoying the sparkly lights for winter festival. These past weeks my body was drained of energy and my nerves were so damn tense. And this trip brought peace in my soul and made me a lot better! I mean, a little hiking while enjoining the view. The trees were shaped in odds forms and it seemed that the rocks were cut perfectly . The ground was covered in death leafs coloring the earth in a warm mix between red, yellow and brown. The destination was a beautiful waterfall and it makes me think, “I really need a new shower with this jet pression”. It worth every second of sore muscles and whining. Because it was as refreshing as a cold shower in a hot day. Nature can bring more peace than any anti stress medicine . At least for me 🙂

New highways, no mask

I am still a kid. And I can break the hell out of your heart just because I am so clumsy. It’s an excuse, yes. And when you asked me to just do better and be a little careful I became the most stubborn bull . But now…almost 10 months passed…I refuse to hurt you anymore. So the only option in my mind was to give up . To push away every bickering around me. Too bad I am blind, I can’t see new highways where is just mud.

You know, I must thank you. For your existence. I hurt you so bad, you didn’t give up and you forced me see. What is behind my mask. And you are the one that blame himself and try to change when the lesson is for me not for you! Oh, the irony of love.  I am not a kid anymore. I have just a child’s heart. Maybe now, you’ll be proud. I am real, I am yours, I am not a teddybear living in a pink world anymore. You can say I am a human now.

Thank you love for making my eyes see how love can build a person and design new roads in life.

Marvel at the Stars

I have an affinity for everything that exist in universe, and little things that breath life through its pores. Guess that going from something grand to something insignificant like a little bug for example, defines one of many ways to look at things, different perspectives especially if you find that they is a connection.Something I adore at humans. This complicated and suddenly turn of toughts . How delusional words seem to be in the moment later , after you undearstand the conception of an infinty possibilites. It  seems people put so much effort in findings thing to let them hurt. No joke! Even if I am laughing a bit, I am still part of this race so somehow I need by nature to obey the rules of being a human. Why obey? Because that is what you see around.  And you try to mold in  just to remind yourself you are still human, not a star , not a God , not even a magical cryptid . You are  a human lost in his  own thoughts and feelings. And nothing is wrong about this. But maybe sometime you shoud stay and admire the marvel of stars around you .

Star

I could stay endless nights watching the stars . Too bad that sometimes I can’t see myself shine . That’s when I feel like a star. Death somewhere inside but the the light still glows for the others to see tha once I was a part of the sky.